Offense and Reactions
I am slowly getting caught up on a few church services I missed, due to cost or the time of day (not just the Sundays, as those I usually watch live). And tonight specifically was part 1 and 2 of Sparkle. I am reeling from it all, and honestly can't wait to listen to them a few more times each. But I am going to address my thoughts now on offenses and how it really does relate to reactions or lack thereof. You see, one of the main components to my testimony, is that I have a lot I could be carrying offenses from, that I am not, and in some cases have seen more healing and restoration than I ever thought possible.
So why do I have many reasons most would justify staying offended would be the best answer? Here is as many as are currently in my mind: I have been physically and verbally abused. I have been raped, and well before being raped, was sexually harassed or assaulted on a near daily basis, with many people around me to witness this part and do nothing to stop it. I have been through more in my marriage, than I would have ever been able to say prior to marriage, would be my deal breaker. That being said, My marriage especially doesn't reflect any part of what used to be, because of God's amazing grace and the way he taught us both from it with leaps of growth in Him instead of small steps. When I think of people associated with the abuse, rape, or any of the sexual harassments/assaults, I honestly pray for them that they would be blessed in their lives now, and I pray they have had opportunities to become different people. I am not saying all are out of my life, but most are, and the others that are still in my life aren't the same people they had been. I have watched God change many pieces, all while working hard on the restoration and understanding of who they were, that I had missed when I wasn't trying.
Now forgiveness is not easy in any of these situations, and sometimes even in very small situations also. But as I work hard to improve my own self-control with God's help, I have realized that anytime I have had anger stewing inside, or offense, I still have a free choice on how it gets dealt with. When my kids are misbehaving, I have a choice in how I approach them. I can choose anger, rage, and an emotional outburst in different forms; or I can choose love. And love doesn't have to mean no discipline or punishment, but punishment and discipline don't always have to be harsh either. We lead by example to kids, because we aren't raising "good kids;" we are raising great adults. The package is smaller for only a time, before we have to see how they do on their own. The more I want my kids to understand that even the smallest action or reaction is a choice, the more I also want to be an example of self-control in moments when I want to lose it. I am far from perfect, but I am learning on purpose. Staying angry or offended, filled with unforgiveness, is the same as having a reaction outburst that is wrong. You had the time and ability to make a choice, and sometimes we all forget the time part and react right away, but it is still always a choice. Our emotions are choices as well, but that will be for another time :)
So why do I have many reasons most would justify staying offended would be the best answer? Here is as many as are currently in my mind: I have been physically and verbally abused. I have been raped, and well before being raped, was sexually harassed or assaulted on a near daily basis, with many people around me to witness this part and do nothing to stop it. I have been through more in my marriage, than I would have ever been able to say prior to marriage, would be my deal breaker. That being said, My marriage especially doesn't reflect any part of what used to be, because of God's amazing grace and the way he taught us both from it with leaps of growth in Him instead of small steps. When I think of people associated with the abuse, rape, or any of the sexual harassments/assaults, I honestly pray for them that they would be blessed in their lives now, and I pray they have had opportunities to become different people. I am not saying all are out of my life, but most are, and the others that are still in my life aren't the same people they had been. I have watched God change many pieces, all while working hard on the restoration and understanding of who they were, that I had missed when I wasn't trying.
Now forgiveness is not easy in any of these situations, and sometimes even in very small situations also. But as I work hard to improve my own self-control with God's help, I have realized that anytime I have had anger stewing inside, or offense, I still have a free choice on how it gets dealt with. When my kids are misbehaving, I have a choice in how I approach them. I can choose anger, rage, and an emotional outburst in different forms; or I can choose love. And love doesn't have to mean no discipline or punishment, but punishment and discipline don't always have to be harsh either. We lead by example to kids, because we aren't raising "good kids;" we are raising great adults. The package is smaller for only a time, before we have to see how they do on their own. The more I want my kids to understand that even the smallest action or reaction is a choice, the more I also want to be an example of self-control in moments when I want to lose it. I am far from perfect, but I am learning on purpose. Staying angry or offended, filled with unforgiveness, is the same as having a reaction outburst that is wrong. You had the time and ability to make a choice, and sometimes we all forget the time part and react right away, but it is still always a choice. Our emotions are choices as well, but that will be for another time :)
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