New Times

I have many things I need to write about in here. My laptop needs a replacement cord, and so blogging from my phone has kept me from follow through. Honestly though, it also tends to take me many mistakes or unintentional missteps before I regain my God focus. Right now as I admit that, I am working on being back where He has called me to be. When I am even slightly off it snowballs quickly, because I honestly can only really beat my physical limitations when He is my strength.

I have been slowly working through "Change Before You Have To," and "Lioness Arising." With Lioness Arising, I am actually re-reading it. I started it over when I learned the moms group at church was doing it. And wonderfully I just keep learning new God insights that He didn't have me learn the first time.

Now for more truth than I had admitted outloud for years, as a result of being unaware until recently. I have been battling various forms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) since the crash. The one and two year anniversaries of my crash I was very aware of what was going on with that, because each one brought up so many emotions that I hadn't felt at the crash or being able to share the testimony almost daily while I was in the neck collars or braces. After those two though, I didn't notice the changes to be sudden or connected. I would one day wake up and look around at my house, listening to my voice or thoughts and realize I had just been blocking everything out like I was depressed and unaware. I have also had really odd moments of creating fears that I couldn't explain, and had never been afraid of before. I had insomnia before the crash, but for some reason since the crash the insomnia has been very different. For example, before I could have realistic dreams or visions that were good things going on around me or future things. Now though, it is because of very realistic nightmares. Like watching horror movies that could happen, and involve my loved ones. It isn't crash specific, but the crash seems to have triggered a massive change.

For tonight this is all that I can handle typing, since some of it I had not connected to the whole picture before. I really am doing my best to seek God out with this new awareness, and doing so in a few different ways. I except that as I seek Him I will have more to write, since that is how this specific blog journey started back in February of 2009 after my loving husband saw all I was typing and saving in a document and encouraged it to become a shared thing.

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