So many thoughts, so little time

I finally re-added the blogger app to my phone. I wasn't going to, but the fact is, when I don't grab a pen and paper or my phone, at 1in the morning when God is speaking loudly to me, I forget by morning all he laid on my heart to say.

Right now I am reading 2 books, and spiritually there are many moments it is physically hard to breathe as I slowly get through them. They are "Change Before You Have To" by Rob Ketterling and "Lioness Arising" by Lisa Bevere.

I have many amazing sisters in Christ, and I miss many of the in-person connections that used to be regular. They will return soon, as I change my main character flaws through the many ways God is using to hound me for more.

My biggest issue right now, is how defeated I had been in living and thinking, that caused a long fall. Getting back will be like climbing a treacherous mountain, and yet I only have me to blame.

See who I was, was almost too prideful in how I approached life ferociously, but then something snapped and I went near polar opposite of this. I gave up. I had never really just given up before, and not to this extreme. I had an excuse for it all, while avoiding way too much of my responsibility and calling.

I am typing this with a bit of hesitation in my heart. I know this makes me accountable to follow through on change.

Today, by lunch time I hadn't changed anything, and it was worse when it was late afternoon and not looking different. Then I took a leap for me, by cleaning much of our laundry room. My sweet angel, on her own accord took much of what I hadn't finished, when I needed a break for physical pain, and got it near perfect. I was expecting to pick up not too far from where I left off, but now there is not much left at all, which means I have to set out to finish it, as well as get the next project underway; moving the dirty clothes bins into the laundry room, cleaning off the machines, and doing oodles of laundry. I can't explain why, but when my house is chaos in my mind, all I want is to get rid of. Working through step by step, will eliminate as much as triple the 3 bags of donation we have now, as well as have at least that in trash. The good part is, if I can keep going, it will progress to finally finishing unpacking and cleaning/organizing the garage. My goal for the inside is Dec 1 (ok actually the over-achiever in me is screaming Thanksgiving, but that part of me also has no indicators of pushing my physical self too far, until the pain makes me immobile, which is why there is some leeway).

I have many other areas I need to change, this is just my absolute largest, and will help a ton with starting the others progressing as well.

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