Repost Intro & part 1
I am reposting this as I love re-reading all of my blogs and seeing how much has changed, and still is changing from the original posts.
I wasn't dealing well with the one year mark of the day my kids & I almost died. I realized I hadn't used my time as wisely and effectively as I should have. On Jan 15th, 2010 God gave me exactly what I was to do to start down the path I should be on for how I needed to live. After the time frame for that ended, I still felt like I hadn't done enough. However, God kept taking specific subjects and keeping me awake at night until they were written down. Now I have this unquenchable desire to know more and be closer to God through all I can do and learn.
So I am going to publish all I have been writing lately. Some of it seems harsh, but it is just what God has been dealing with me on in my own life. I know it will affect more than me, so I am choosing to publish it. None of what is written is what I think towards anyone, or have their been any specifics in my thoughts unless mentioned. That being the main points needed as an intro, here is part 1:
Bursting at the seams
My heart wants to scream
All I see and all I know
Is I still need to grow
So many questions now with answers
So many wrongs waiting to be right
*quick note* This first paragraph was literally God "yelling" at me much like a father to a child about my own life and past that I had not moved far enough away from. It wasn't written as insults to others. If for some reason you find it offensive, I challange you to ask God why it would be offensive if you were living how you should. I am not saying you aren't living right, but more simply when things offend us, usually God is trying to get us to notice similar areas or unforgiveness in our own hearts.
We were all made to serve something. We were all made to have a void if you will in our lives for our creator and a real relationship with him. But more than ever, everyone wants to run away from any belief in a creator. So many people I know and see have so many addictions trying to fill the void. The only problem is any addiction, serious or small, is still only a temporary high. When the high fades they need more, much more. As their lives spin out of control they find more to get addicted to; more to fill the un-fillable void. Now this may sound like it might be in reference to drugs or alcohol, but computers, tv, games, porn, sex, shopping, gambling, and so much more can have these affects. The fact is without the ultimate relationship, there is no peace or true joy to be found in the world. This concept is so hard to believe because so many “believers” or “Christians” live their lives in as much despair as all of those who don’t believe. How can something be so amazing and so real if so many who say they follow it, have no way to show that in their lives. Why are so many Christians so willing to sell out in order to fit into the world? I find it heart breaking that Christians I know and love listen to all the music the non-christians listen to, use the same foul language the non-christians use, go to the bars for their means of escape or hang out instead of finding something new and fun that can be set apart enough to not be confused.
Everyone wants change in our society; everyone is seeking hope because their sin has left them completely hopeless. The crazy thing is, when you show them real hope or real anything, you are the crazy one. You are the one who has “mixed up morals or beliefs,” you are the “troublemaker,” trying to hate everyone who is different. Since when is it automatically hating something or someone just because I don’t agree? You can hate me all you want, but I don’t hate people. I don’t agree with many life choices, especially in those I think need to wake up and live their life the way they should; the way the bible teaches them (THAT’S YOU slacker Christians). Yes I did have the audacity to call you out by calling you a slacker. What have you done other than show up at church and take up space to follow those beliefs you claim to have? Are you serving God by being nice to people you come in contact with? Are you serving God by not cussing, flipping people off, or taking his name in vein? Are you serving God by actually reading his word, praying, and engaging in true fellowship? Are you living without gossip? Have you truly forgiven anyone & everyone you are mad at? Test this specific question by running through a list of names or stories in your head. Are there any that still make you start to become mad again? If there are, you haven’t forgiven.
God says we are not perfect. Don’t think you have to be perfect to love and serve him. That is so not the point of this. The point is, we don’t love, we don’t serve, we don’t try. Instead we settle for boring, mundane, luke-warm living. Did you remember yet that God says in his word he will spit out the luke warm? That means that he tells us to either go all out, and risk being crazy or don’t bother because in the end mundane won’t be recognized by Him. Are we going to make mistakes? Yes. However, the more you actually walk in sync with God, the more those mistakes are no longer habits. Who are you serving? Is it an idol in your life? Does it take up more than 10% of your day? For the Christians I bet you haven’t given God 10% of your day in a long time. I know this isn’t for all, because some constantly amaze and set the example for others. Stop playing life safe. This doesn’t mean sin all you want. It just means love. I dare you to love like God loves us. God gave his ONLY son for you. I can’t fathom life without one of my children, let alone purposely sacrificing them just so that anyone who wanted could be free, happy, loved, joyful, with a peace like no other. Maybe that is too simplistic to believe in God. But the love, and the fulfillment of everything missing that nothing else made feel whole, are worth more than simple understanding can gain.
Being a Christian is not easy. You have to make the choice everyday who you will serve. You can wake up angry and chose to make a horrible day with lots of other bad things happening that you can “excuse” or “justify” away as not being your fault, or you can wake up and chose to give your day to God. There will still be bad moments that try your faith. In those moments do you remember God is still stronger than anything or do you go right back into being who you were before God?
I know how real my faith is. You can’t see God, which many use as a reason to not believe; but you also can’t see wind or pain yet you believe those exist because you can feel them. Faith based on feeling. When no other senses can specifically be traced to the feeling it is absurd right? So why do you have faith that the wind is there? You can’t use any other sense beyond feeling for that. What about pain? Think through the senses; pain only exists as a feeling and nothing more.
I have almost died. I have been completely selfish and unloving. I have been a casual Christian. I have been a complete unbeliever all together. All sin is equal in God’s eyes. Maybe I haven’t done what you have, but you don’t really know that either. Many just assume that one person isn’t as bad as they are, but God says we are all the same because we have all made mistakes. The simple fact is this: I know where I will be when I die. Knowing this leaves me fearless of death. I have no reason to be afraid. I would gladly die for many people I know who need God more than ever, if it meant they might realize the truth. I refuse to live my life in vein any longer; to just sit quietly and go through the motions. I am not who I want to be yet. I haven’t changed enough, but God is working and will continue to work until I am who I should be.
I wasn't dealing well with the one year mark of the day my kids & I almost died. I realized I hadn't used my time as wisely and effectively as I should have. On Jan 15th, 2010 God gave me exactly what I was to do to start down the path I should be on for how I needed to live. After the time frame for that ended, I still felt like I hadn't done enough. However, God kept taking specific subjects and keeping me awake at night until they were written down. Now I have this unquenchable desire to know more and be closer to God through all I can do and learn.
So I am going to publish all I have been writing lately. Some of it seems harsh, but it is just what God has been dealing with me on in my own life. I know it will affect more than me, so I am choosing to publish it. None of what is written is what I think towards anyone, or have their been any specifics in my thoughts unless mentioned. That being the main points needed as an intro, here is part 1:
Bursting at the seams
My heart wants to scream
All I see and all I know
Is I still need to grow
So many questions now with answers
So many wrongs waiting to be right
*quick note* This first paragraph was literally God "yelling" at me much like a father to a child about my own life and past that I had not moved far enough away from. It wasn't written as insults to others. If for some reason you find it offensive, I challange you to ask God why it would be offensive if you were living how you should. I am not saying you aren't living right, but more simply when things offend us, usually God is trying to get us to notice similar areas or unforgiveness in our own hearts.
We were all made to serve something. We were all made to have a void if you will in our lives for our creator and a real relationship with him. But more than ever, everyone wants to run away from any belief in a creator. So many people I know and see have so many addictions trying to fill the void. The only problem is any addiction, serious or small, is still only a temporary high. When the high fades they need more, much more. As their lives spin out of control they find more to get addicted to; more to fill the un-fillable void. Now this may sound like it might be in reference to drugs or alcohol, but computers, tv, games, porn, sex, shopping, gambling, and so much more can have these affects. The fact is without the ultimate relationship, there is no peace or true joy to be found in the world. This concept is so hard to believe because so many “believers” or “Christians” live their lives in as much despair as all of those who don’t believe. How can something be so amazing and so real if so many who say they follow it, have no way to show that in their lives. Why are so many Christians so willing to sell out in order to fit into the world? I find it heart breaking that Christians I know and love listen to all the music the non-christians listen to, use the same foul language the non-christians use, go to the bars for their means of escape or hang out instead of finding something new and fun that can be set apart enough to not be confused.
Everyone wants change in our society; everyone is seeking hope because their sin has left them completely hopeless. The crazy thing is, when you show them real hope or real anything, you are the crazy one. You are the one who has “mixed up morals or beliefs,” you are the “troublemaker,” trying to hate everyone who is different. Since when is it automatically hating something or someone just because I don’t agree? You can hate me all you want, but I don’t hate people. I don’t agree with many life choices, especially in those I think need to wake up and live their life the way they should; the way the bible teaches them (THAT’S YOU slacker Christians). Yes I did have the audacity to call you out by calling you a slacker. What have you done other than show up at church and take up space to follow those beliefs you claim to have? Are you serving God by being nice to people you come in contact with? Are you serving God by not cussing, flipping people off, or taking his name in vein? Are you serving God by actually reading his word, praying, and engaging in true fellowship? Are you living without gossip? Have you truly forgiven anyone & everyone you are mad at? Test this specific question by running through a list of names or stories in your head. Are there any that still make you start to become mad again? If there are, you haven’t forgiven.
God says we are not perfect. Don’t think you have to be perfect to love and serve him. That is so not the point of this. The point is, we don’t love, we don’t serve, we don’t try. Instead we settle for boring, mundane, luke-warm living. Did you remember yet that God says in his word he will spit out the luke warm? That means that he tells us to either go all out, and risk being crazy or don’t bother because in the end mundane won’t be recognized by Him. Are we going to make mistakes? Yes. However, the more you actually walk in sync with God, the more those mistakes are no longer habits. Who are you serving? Is it an idol in your life? Does it take up more than 10% of your day? For the Christians I bet you haven’t given God 10% of your day in a long time. I know this isn’t for all, because some constantly amaze and set the example for others. Stop playing life safe. This doesn’t mean sin all you want. It just means love. I dare you to love like God loves us. God gave his ONLY son for you. I can’t fathom life without one of my children, let alone purposely sacrificing them just so that anyone who wanted could be free, happy, loved, joyful, with a peace like no other. Maybe that is too simplistic to believe in God. But the love, and the fulfillment of everything missing that nothing else made feel whole, are worth more than simple understanding can gain.
Being a Christian is not easy. You have to make the choice everyday who you will serve. You can wake up angry and chose to make a horrible day with lots of other bad things happening that you can “excuse” or “justify” away as not being your fault, or you can wake up and chose to give your day to God. There will still be bad moments that try your faith. In those moments do you remember God is still stronger than anything or do you go right back into being who you were before God?
I know how real my faith is. You can’t see God, which many use as a reason to not believe; but you also can’t see wind or pain yet you believe those exist because you can feel them. Faith based on feeling. When no other senses can specifically be traced to the feeling it is absurd right? So why do you have faith that the wind is there? You can’t use any other sense beyond feeling for that. What about pain? Think through the senses; pain only exists as a feeling and nothing more.
I have almost died. I have been completely selfish and unloving. I have been a casual Christian. I have been a complete unbeliever all together. All sin is equal in God’s eyes. Maybe I haven’t done what you have, but you don’t really know that either. Many just assume that one person isn’t as bad as they are, but God says we are all the same because we have all made mistakes. The simple fact is this: I know where I will be when I die. Knowing this leaves me fearless of death. I have no reason to be afraid. I would gladly die for many people I know who need God more than ever, if it meant they might realize the truth. I refuse to live my life in vein any longer; to just sit quietly and go through the motions. I am not who I want to be yet. I haven’t changed enough, but God is working and will continue to work until I am who I should be.
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