Thoughts that keep me up at night...

Please read my Intro found in Feb. if you are new to reading my blog. At the risk of sounding callous I recently looked up the significant earthquakes that have happened this year. To me the natural disasters at the magnitude they have been occurring is just a sign we will enter into the marathon of the end times fairly soon. The interesting part though was this: Haiti was only a 5.9. Here are all the ones we have not heard about really that were the same magnitude or worse: 6.2 Papua New Guinea, 6.9 China/Russia/North Korea region, 6.6/7.1/6.8 in that order on the Solomon Islands, 7.0 Japan, and now Chili was an 8.8 and still doesn't have the coverage Haiti did. So why is Haiti so special? There was even a 5.9 & a 6.5 just off shore in Northern California recently. I can understand not broadcasting the one around North Korea as they have caused many problems and threats for many, but the rest didn't even get a blip of news time other than the Chili one. But Haiti needed...

Please read my Intro found in Feb. if you are new to reading my blog. I can't remember if this was 2 seperate thoughts or 1. At the risk of not sleeping or continuing to be distracted in my own head; I need to finally write what has been on my mind for a few days now. As someone who doesn’t like to be in control, and usually has given advice on how not to worry or stress as much as most normally do; I found myself in an interesting spot with God. I had been taking control away from him by “but”ing my way through items I wasn’t ready to let go of. I have many examples of this, but will use the most specific example I can think of. This example is specific for the personalities like my husband who might not comprehend the topic as well otherwise. Most of my “but-ing” does not actually have anything to do with my husband, but more my own personal past or current choices. However, when God really started to deal with me on this, it was after a random thought popped into my head i...

Please read my Intro found in Feb. if you are new to reading my blog. Seems odd to post so much at once, but I want these up to date so when I do create new ones they are current. These all started this past month, not just today. I realized as I allowed my husband to read through this, how much of me has forever been completely private and unknown. I have written many songs and poems, yet have only on occasion showed anyone those. Even when one became published, I used a pen name so it wasn’t associated with me. As much as I am very loyal to my friends, and would allow any to be close friends, I realized I am not really a good friend. Love means taking risks. Those risks could be in just allowing someone to know all your thoughts, or even simply allowing more to know things that no one else would know. It also means doing your best to trust that those you open up to won’t judge you. This is the part I have always struggled with. We are taught to judge, even though God doesn’t wa...

Please read my Intro found in Feb. if you are new to reading my blog. Love does not envy. Love is not rude. Love is not proud. Love is not easily angered. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not boast…wait boast? These were my thoughts the other night as I yet again lay awake trying to sort out even more of the crazy that continues in a good way for God. Love does not boast. Was God intending this for those who are in love not to try and one up their love? Or is this meant as a reminder to not boast about the works we do out of love trying to fulfill what God has called us to? Like the people who sure, do many amazing works, but always have to run around after and be like a little puppy jumping around or doing tricks; the “look at me! Look at meeeeee!” style. Maybe it’s both. The logic of it being both helped me sleep that night instead of researching more. Now though, I need to actually learn from this that God has clearly given me to learn from.

I wasn't dealing well with the one year mark of the day my kids and; I almost died. I realized I hadn't used my time as wisely and effectively as I should have. On Jan 15th, 2010 God gave me exactly what I was to do to start down the path I should be on for how I needed to live. After the time frame for that ended, I still felt like I hadn't done enough. However, God kept taking specific subjects and keeping me awake at night until they were written down. Now I have this unquenchable desire to know more and be closer to God through all I can do and learn. So I am going to publish all I have been writing lately. Some of it seems harsh, but it is just what God has been dealing with me on in my own life. I know it will effect more than me, so I am choosing to publish it. None of what is written is what I think towards anyone, or have their been any specifics in my thoughts unless mentioned. That being the main points needed as an intro, here is part 1: Bursting at the se...